Don't Go in the Woods



IMDb Rating 3.7 10 2,187


Downloaded 40,275 times
April 15, 2019



720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
698.29 MB
23.976 fps
82 min
P/S N/A / N/A
1.24 GB
23.976 fps
82 min
P/S N/A / N/A

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by Woodyanders 9 / 10 / 10

A hilariously horrendous and thus quite entertaining early 80's "wackos in the woods" slasher hoot

Wacko in the woods body count splatter slaughterfests became all the rage in the early 80's after "Friday the 13th" hit it big at the almighty box office. This staggeringly sloppy'n'slipshod shot-in-Utah no-budget atrocity could very well be the most unbelievably inept and unintentionally sidesplitting entry in this frequently pretty pathetic horror sub-genre. A grimy, husky, deranged, murderously misanthropic survivalist mountain man maniac nastily butchers assorted hideously obnoxious and unappealing chowderheads who unwisely venture into his lethal section of the forest. A nerdy ornithologist has his arm yanked out of its socket; hilariously fake-looking blood squirts out of the even more hilariously phony stump. A fat jerk gets tossed off a cliff so he can be turned into a mushy pulp when he lands on the jagged rocks below. The fat jerk's equally rotund whiny mom likewise buys it in a similarly gruesome fashion. A jarringly ugly middle-aged couple who are trying to do just what you think in their RV have their would-be sexual encounter rudely disrupted by Mr. Nutso. A painter erupts with a virtual geyser of the red sauce when she's repeatedly stabbed by our sanguinary sicko. A backwoodsman accidentally impales a luckless hick on a tree branch and tries to make amends by blubbering "I'm sorry!" three times in a row. Four insufferably irritating backpackers gripe, moan, bicker and generally get on each other's nerves while aimlessly ambling through the woods. A girl who stumbles into the killer's lair eats some machete. Two folks dozing in their sleeping bags are savagely offed. In arguably the most mean-spirited scene a helpless cripple in a wheelchair gets decapitated! Meanwhile a plodding, obscenely oafish and obese hillbilly sheriff investigates various disappearances to no avail. The slackly plotted narrative meanders from gory kill scene to gory kill scene sans reason or rhythm. The unlistenably abominable score alternates between eardrum-rupturing high-pitched synthesizer blaring and s**t-kickin', banjo-pluckin', dung-a-dung-dung hayseed bluegrass music. The shaky 16 mm cinematography features lots of nauseating whiplash pans and unsteady hand-held camera-work. The dreadful post-sync sound makes the whole shoddy shebang seem like a poorly dubbed foreign flick. The rambling direction suffers from a crucial lack of both focus and finesse. The acting by the no-name rank amateur cast is absolutely abysmal. None of the astonishingly irksome characters are even remotely likable. The gore effects are uproariously cheesy and unconvincing. And the incredibly asinine ending credits theme song concludes the marvelously messed-up merriment on a properly pitiful note.

Reviewed by Sam Panico 1 / 10 / 10

This Yeah. It's something.

Some slashers take their time getting to the first kill. Others start James Bond style, with a kill or two at the beginning before settling into the formula. Don't Go in the Woods starts with murder and never stops. There are characters you're supposed to get behind. But mostly, there are just random people who are killed in increasingly horrific ways while comedic synthesizer music bleets and boops and at times, goes silent. It's a crude, brutal and at times, hilarious film. It also feels like it was made by either amateurs or maniacs. Maybe both. There is one rule in this movie: Don't go in the woods. Every single person that dies ignores this rule, so they are to blame for whatever happens next. A woman screams and is killed. A bird watcher watches birds and is killed. Four friends - Peter, Joanne, Ingrid and Craig - are traveling through the woods. A tourist is thrown over a waterfall, landing near our heroes having a splash fight (they don't notice). Our intrepid foursome set up camp for the evening as two honeymooners in an RV are killed, followed by an artist being offed and her daughter kidnapped. Of note here - it seems like the couples should be boy/girl, but through a combination of outfits and hairstyles, it is truly up to you to determine the non-binary combinations that they may be. Two more campers get killed, then Peter watches while a fisherman is slaughtered, finally revealing the antagonist, who is a wild man covered in rags and fur with a big spear, known only as Maniac in the credits. He runs to warn his friends, but the Maniac follows and kills Craig with a spear. Peter and Ingrid finally find the Maniac's cabin, but accidentally stab a hitchhiker they believe is the killer. Our two heroes - minus the missing Joanne - make it to the hospital where they alert authorities, including the Sheriff (Ken Carter, a career rock 'n roll DJ), who might as well be the cousin of Troll 2's Sheriff Gene Freak. Peter feels guilty about leaving Joanne behind. As for her, she wanders into the Maniac's house and is killed via multiple machete strikes. The killer doesn't stop, beheading a man in a wheelchair, before Peter and Ingrid find him and go full on crazy, stabbing him numerous times while an entire crowd of lawmen watches. Meanwhile, that kidnapped baby everyone forgot about? She's up in the woods with an axe, all alone and ready to grow up to be the next Maniac. Whew. This movie is a whirlwind of dubbed dialogue, bright red ketchup made with BBQ sauce and red food coloring, all shot on $400 worth of film stock (look for light bleeding through at numerous times). Director James Bryan is a jack of all trades, having worked as an editor, a production manager, a post-production supervisor, a director of photography, a production assistant and more. He even filmed the pick-up shots for Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural! Plus, his resume includes films as diverse as The Executioner, Part II and sex films like Sex Aliens and The Hottest Show in Town. Should you watch it? It depends. Are you willing to endure some of the worst dialogue and outfits in the history of film - all non-ironically created, mind you - and enjoy a story that makes no logical sense? Then yes.

Reviewed by hellholehorror 1 / 10 / 10

No merit

Amateurs could do better. Dreadful camera-work combined with terrible direction, lack of imagination and a total lack of visual storytelling. I reckon that this is the worst sounding movie ever. Horribly tiny, dubbing that does not fit, dreadful sound effects and no atmosphere.  They probably shouldn't have gone into the woods as the title advises. I advise not watching. There is no story, no acting, no merit.

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