I am a child of divorced parents. The divorce between my parents was so horribly bad that it would eventually be used in case law in California because of how nasty the divorce had become, and that was especially due to the lawyers involved. The lawyers play on the parents, instill things into their psyche, get them anxious, concerned about being attacked, so the get them to attack preemptively. My father was a very successful surgeon. He was first generation from Chile. He was completely self made. By the end of the divorce, my father was bankrupt, depressed, and had to work incredibly hard at the age of fifty years old to reestablish himself, which he did, and I will never forget how hard my father worked to get himself back on his feet again, which took him at least a decade. But at the same time, it hurt our relationship because he was so focused on working and trying to get himself back to the lifestyle he had known for most of his life that he was unable to spend as much time with me as he would have liked. However, he did spend an incredible amount of time with me considering the circumstances. My mother hired the worst type of lawyer, got her angry, made her feel like she deserve red more than she did, but most of all, made her think the divorce and legal battle would not hurt me. My mother had her reasons for wanting to get divorced, and they were valid reasons, but the way the legal system was setup, well, it mainly benefits the lawyers and the government because as this film points out, a lot of fathers end up paying child support to the government in the form of interest. The worst thing about the divorce was how it affected me. In second grade, I was told I was dyslexic, taken from my regular class, and put in special ed with kids who had serious cognition issues like down syndrome etc. It destroyed my self-esteem. I hated school and would eventually drop out in 10th grade because I hated special ed and always felt as though I was inferior to my peers. By the time I was 21, I had acquired my GED, and began community college. I didn't do well the first semester at all, so my mother suggested I go to the special ed department and get myself the help I always received during 2nd through 10th grade. I spent an entire day getting evaluated. I waited a week for the results, and I found out a week later that I never had a learning disability in the first place. It was one of the most bitter and sweet moments of my life because I knew I was no longer inferior to my peers, but I resented the school system for all those years they made me feel as though I wasn't good enough. To make matters worse, the schools get more money based on special needs kids, and we are talking A LOT OF MONEY, so always get a second opinion from someone outside the school system, and do not mention they had already been diagnosed with anything, so they start with a clean slate with the clinician. The entire reason I was doing so poorly in second grade was because my parents divorce was ongoing, I was severely depressed, and that's why I wasn't behaving properly or had any desire to excel or do well in school. As someone who has recently graduated with my masters in Clinical Psychology I can honestly say that this should have been so obvious to staff at my school, but what I realized by high school was the district I was in was sending all their problem children to special ed, which is why so many of the kids who were there in high school are like myself, psychologists, lawyers, and successful people. Most of them didn't have a learning disability, but rather, a tough time at home, and when you're depressed and have low self-esteem you do not want to excel and also want to rebel against the system which you think has wronged you, and has wronged you. I was fortunate enough to have a course where Dr. Judy Ho was a guest speaker almost one year ago today. She is a great person, and she truly wants to help people and future clinicians. I was very impressed with her and how she comes across. I could tell she really wanted to give everyone in the class the insight and information for us to succeed in the profession. She is certainly someone I aspire to be like, and I will always be thankful for her suggesting to the class how we can become forensic psychologists without having to go back to graduate school and instead getting certified which is what I will be doing very soon because I want to help families and especially kids in situations like these. As much as I hated going through what I had with my parents divorce, it has given me the tools I need to be an excellent clinician, and I was fortunate enough to find this out when I finally started working as an intern with children in an elementary school setting. The one thing I can offer both as a professional and as someone who has endured the worst type of divorce is for parents to stop making the divorce and separation about yourselves! The moment you have children your lives no longer are about YOU but about "US" as in "FAMILY" and even if you divorce your spouse they will always be family and will always be connected to you through memories and the blood you passed on through your children. If you are going through a divorce do not talk badly about the other parent, do not try to manipulate your kids, do not try to do anything you normally wouldn't do! Kids are for more sensitive than most parents realize. Kids may not be intelligent enough to know what is going on, but they are far more aware when it comes to FEELINGS, which as adults get older, we forget all about! Everything we do in life is about feeling! Every action you take is based on a feeling before a thought! You don't want to succeed because it THINKS good but because it FEELS GOOD! Everything we do is based on our feelings and the intention is either to experience a feeling or avoid a feeling and then that's where our thoughts come into action. Jesus said that those who spend much time with children find their way to heaven far quicker than those who don't spend any time with children because children are here to remind us of who we really are, and that is, sensitive and feeling beings, but after trauma and hurt we learn to shut those feelings off and go with our thoughts which only lead us to dissatisfied lives, fear, and guide us to places that leave us unfulfilled. If parents were only to be more like their children, and find themselves again, then they will be far better parents, and if divorce occurs, they will be far better divorced parents for the benefit of their children and their own mental and emotional well-being.
This documentary exposes the failure of family courts to keep children from being used as a weapon after separation. Courts decision ends up completely erasing one parent, causing severe ...
December 27, 2020