Helen of Troy

2003

Action / Adventure / Drama / Romance / War

32
IMDb Rating 6.2 10 6,203

Synopsis


Downloaded times
February 12, 2021

Cast

Rufus Sewell as Agamemnon 2 episodes, 2003
Sienna Guillory as Helen 2 episodes, 2003
Stellan Skarsgård as Alex Green
720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
1.57 GB
1280*720
English 2.0
NR
23.976 fps
175 min
P/S N/A / N/A
3.22 GB
1920×1080
English 2.0
NR
23.976 fps
175 min
P/S N/A / N/A

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by gothic-2 1 / 10 / 10

Slightly less fun than slitting your own throat and jumping in a pool of vinegar.

Here's the thing. The production value was not too shabby. Sure, the budget wasn't up there with Troy but you could tell that decent efforts were made by the CGI guys. And that's where the decency stops. It's just sad that Homer's epic Iliad hasn't been told yet. Not just properly but, at all. I've read reviewers talking about various interpretations and different points of view. Bull. Crap. The book is there. It's clear as daylight. And yet, still no decent portrayal of Homer's 3.000 old writings. This is not bad just as far as accuracy goes. 300 for example was as accurate as an 80 year old man, trying to shoot a humming bird with a weakly stringed bow from a 2000 yard distance while wearing a blindfold, but still it was fun and well filmed with a high re- watching value. But this? Dear Zeus. Poor Gimli was trying to save the day, but the rest were overacting like Calculon from Futurama. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at Achilles. I was expecting Vince McMahon to jump at the roidraged monster and yell "Y'er fired" when he got lanced, something that finally ended his WWE rantings. Hell, he should have his own theme and Titantron whenever he showed up. I definitely did laugh at the part where they find the Trojan horse and someone is supposed to tell them in ancient fluent "Greek" that this is an offering to the goddess Athena. Too bad he was speaking a mix of Italian and Southparkish derka derka and not a single word was actual Greek. Not even Athena. Which in ancient Greek it's.... well... Athena. Watching Homer's Iliad being violated in such a way, is like giving Michael Bay to do his own rendition of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I do get the ones who liked or even loved it, if they recently discovered Western Civilization (like the week before they watched it) and this was the second movie they watched in their life, right after Miami Connection. Another prerequisite to really enjoy this movie is that the only Homer you know, is the beloved character by Matt Groening. The rape at the ending is yet another thing that was never in the book. It's just a subtle metaphor from the director and screenwriter that this is what they did to our precious time which we'll never get back.

Reviewed by krish-4 1 / 10 / 10

Horribly inaccurate

Rape of Mythology. Helen of Troy was nothing short of rape of Homer's Iliad and other sources. Cassandra was portrayed as having the gift of seeing the future as a child. According to the myths she got it from Apollo when she agreed to be his lover. However she later spurned him and so she was cursed that no one will believe her. So according to the writer, Apollo lusted after a five year old child :) Helen walking nude was good viewing but has no truth. But then again, in the end all one will remember from this TV movie are shots of Sienna Guillory's perfect ass ... The whole thing about Achilles is absolutely scandalous .. Despite his great strength Achilles actually wanted to avoid battle .. In fact he argued with Agamemnon over a slave girl and stopped fighting .. So the greeks started losing ground ... Here he is portrayed as a retarded warrior. An insult to the greatest Greek warrior since Hercules. Then after much pleading Achilles sent Patroclus to fight for him in his armour ... The TV movie portrayed Achilles as a monster wearing no armour .. Another falsehood .. Achilles in fact had his new armour built by the god Hephaestus ... There is no mention of Patroclus here ... And Paris is shown as a great fighter - He was not .. Troy actually relied solely on Hector's capabilities... Here Hector was not portrayed as the great hero he was... Hector's defeat and slaying of Patroclus finally aroused Achilles' anger and he took his revenge over Hector in a fair fight (not like the one in the TV)... The TV confrontation of Achilles and Hector was sheer stupidity. Achilles returned Hector's body .. something the writer of the TV movie forgot ... Achilles was later killed by Paris's arrow which struck his heel but not like the way in showed on the movie ... And the whole myth of his vulnerable heel was left unexplained. Maybe the writer didnt know himself. Whatever happened to the great Ajax ... his great battle with Hector .. and his subsequent suicide .. Paris was killed by the famous archer Philoctetes who owned the bow and arrow of Hercules ... But obviously that was too complicated for this piece of TV crap. In the movie they showed Clytemnestra in Troy - rubbish. She killed Agamemnon once he had returned. There is absolutely no truth that Agamemnon raped Helen as is shown ... The acting was all wooden .. wasting good actors in a ridiculous adaptation... Hardly any part of the trojan war was touched upon .. And those parts touched were displayed with breathtaking lack of accuracy. Who do the director/writer think they are ? Homer? Virgil ? Only if one is completely ignorant of Greek myths, one can tolerate this piece of nonsense. Rating it one out of ten is being generous.

Reviewed by callisto_gr 1 / 10 / 10

Great parody of Iliad

Ii just watched this movie and I must say it's awful.I don't care if it has suspense,fun or whatever.To me it matters that it is really imprecise.This movie has nothing to do with the Iliad.The screenwriters must have never read Homer's poem,that's sure. i don't want to expand to the the wrong plot details,because then I would have to write the whole screenplay from the start. In addition to clothes are SO not according the time of the story,which I remind takes place in 11th century b.C..The clothes in this film are roman empire's era clothes.And for goodness sake;did you just see those suits of armour?I was under the impression that Russel Crow would jump in the scene in a moment! And last(but probably the thing that made me laugh the hardest) (quote from this ridiculous movie) -...and the world is spinning... Wow that guy was really forward from his era!!!!

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