North

1994

Adventure / Comedy / Drama / Family / Fantasy

93
IMDb Rating 4.5 10 13,146

Synopsis


Downloaded times
December 13, 2020

Director

Cast

Bruce Willis as Narrator
Elijah Wood as North
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as North's Mom
Scarlett Johansson as Laura Nelson
720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
800.95 MB
1280*720
English 2.0
PG
23.976 fps
87 min
P/S N/A / N/A
1.45 GB
1920×1080
English 2.0
PG
23.976 fps
87 min
P/S N/A / N/A

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by D_Burke 2 / 10 / 10

I Confess To Seeing This Movie In Theaters As a Child . . . Twice

I just thought I would get that confession out of the way and into the open. Yes, I went to see this in theaters twice when I was 11 years old. I could list to you the excuses I have, such as the fact that my parents paid for my ticket, and there were only six theaters in my local multiplex at the time, and I had already seen "Forrest Gump". I could go on. The truth is that when I first saw a matinée showing of this film with a friend, neither of us thought it was a bad movie. Then I went to see another matinée showing a few days later on a rainy day with my brother and a babysitter, and they both hated the film. Not disliked, mind you, but hated it. They weren't the only ones. In the sixteen years since the film's release, I have heard nothing but bad things about it. It was released on VHS once, never on DVD, and Roger Ebert's review ("I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it") is now more famous than the movie itself. As a kid, I knew "North" wasn't a perfect film. In fact, its major flaw was (and still is) the major cop-out (and frankly lazy) ending that I won't give away. However, I thought it was enjoyable enough, it had a creative (but highly unrealistic) premise, and I liked (and still like) Elijah Wood. Before seeing the movie again after so many years, I wonder what I missed about it in the first place that other people didn't. After seeing it as a 27 year old, I wonder how I could have missed these things to begin with. I think what disappointed people the most about this movie was the fact that it had an all-star cast, a likable lead, an accomplished director (Rob Reiner) who had not directed a bad film before this one, and was based on a book written by Alan Zweibel, one of the original Saturday Night Live writers (who also wrote the screenplay). I haven't read that book, but the idea of a child leaving his parents is more sad than funny. Wood plays a child named North who is a stellar student, athlete, and actor, yet he is worried that his parents don't pay enough attention to him simply because they ignore him while arguing one night at the dinner table. His successful legal divorce from his parents causes a contrived media circus resulting in kids having control over their parents. Such a revolution is spearheaded by North's acquaintance Winchell (Matthew McCurley), a journalist for his school's newspaper who reminded me then of Stuart Minkus from "Boy Meets World" but now reminds me of Dick Cheney. In an even more contrived circumstance, Winchell becomes head of a major corporation, and plots to kill North when he decides to return to his original parents. Throughout the film, North goes around the world searching for better parents. He stays with various sets of adoptive parents. They include a couple in Texas (Dan Aykroyd and Reba McEntire) who dress like cowboys you find at the Ice Capades, Alaskans (Graham Greene and Kathy Bates) who send their elderly father (Abe Vigoda) out to sea to die in an archaic ritual that hasn't been practiced in 150 years, and Hawaiian parents who are all too eager to show North's rear end on a highway billboard. It makes me sick writing about these jokes, so you can imagine what it's like to watch it. Seeing this as a kid, I never took these plot points seriously, perhaps because I never thought about divorcing my parents. Seeing it again as an adult, here's what I missed that was so bad about the movie: the awful ethnic stereotyping that came in the form of tasteless one-liners and myopic character depictions. The worst came in the form of Kathy Bates putting on a blackface equivalent to play an Eskimo. I cringe now at the terrible joke made by the Hawaiian Governor Ho (Keone Young) about his wife (Lauren Tom) and her inability to procreate: "Hawaii is a lush and fertile land. In fact, there is only one barren spot on all of our islands. Unfortunately, it's Mrs. Ho.". If I were Mrs. Ho, I would have kicked him in the balls. We've all done foolish things as children. My foolish thing was the 12 dollars that went to waste from seeing this movie twice (although they were both matinees, so I saved some money). The important thing is that I know better now, and I reviewed this film recently before writing this review. This rule should apply to every amateur critic on this site: the way you remember movies you saw years ago is not the same as the way these movies actually are. Siskel & Ebert declared "North" the worst movie of 1994, and looking back, their reasoning was good. Is it the worst movie I've ever seen? No. Worse movies came out in 1994 ("It's Pat: The Movie" and "Exit To Eden" come especially to mind), and any movie written or directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer make "North" look like "Citizen Kane", and I doubt Ebert would disagree. However, there's no question that there's only one barren spot in Rob Reiner's directing career. Unfortunately, it's this movie.

Reviewed by spenrh 1 / 10 / 10

I also hated hated hated this movie

I agree with the late Roger Ebert, as you can see in my title. It was a movie with the most flawed, stupid, and not to mention heartless idea, and was in a pathetic attempt to be made funny, which it sure as hell wasn't. Happily ditching your parents without showing the slightest bit of emotion, because of, what we saw, the father spending a few minutes expressing to North's mother about his stupid pants factory job. That "pants factory" itself was supposed to be some kind of joke, each "worker" there was dressed in some stupid costume dancing/advertising without giving us any reason or punchline. It was a pants factory. It was a joke that was painfully unfunny and didn't make sense. That was only the tip of this awful iceburg which many of us wish had melted. There were so many other horrible things about this movie. I don't have room here to write all of the terrible things about this 90 minute monstrosity, but here are some of them: 11 year old North (Elijha Wood) fakes a heart attack after his dad's (Jason Alexander) pants talk and mentioning blood in his stool, and his parents both immediately jump to his rescue showing genuine concern. BUT, North still immediately divorces himself from his parents without a care about their reaction, and with almost the whole freakin world not only seemingly understanding towards North about it, but with looking at North as some kind of international hero! Basically, North was a kid who got good grades, played baseball, acted in a school play, and deserts his parents for (gasp!) spending a few moments talking to each other instead of talking just to him and ignoring each other every minute of the day, and that made him an international legend above all other kids around the world? Nevermind the kids in the world with parents who abuse, use foul language to, hit, beat up, molest, or really ignore or abondon their kids. In this movie, what North's parents did was seen as a worse thing for parents to do than any of those other things!? And to add insult to severe injury, North was a total hypocrite since he complained about his parents being selfish, but then made the most extreme move just to suit his selfish and not to mention irrational wishes (and the bratty spoiled way he said "I'm not common!" to Easter Bunny Bruce Willis). There are still many more horrible things in this movie, North's parents freeze into some comatose state, stay that way through court, and for like another two months and are put on display like that! Jon Lovitz has an annoying performance first as North's lawyer, then as the lacky of 11 year old genuis Winchell who first assists North and then him and Lovitz team up to make sure North will never go back to his parents, and to build a global empire with the works including fancy office, limo driver, and hit man who tries to shoot North! There are still many more terrible things in this movie, since I still haven't even began to discribe North's experiences searching for "better" parents. The Texans, Hawaiins, and Alaskan scenes are nothing but annoying unfunny jokes and puns. And, each of those scenes have parents try to do things much worse than his real parents ever did. The Texans insist on making North obese to replace their other deceased obese son. The Alaskans make the grandfather of the family flow out to sea to die (and with the parents being totally unemotional about it and saying "it's for the best before he starts embarrassing himself"). And the worst of all, the Hawaiians insisting on displaying a perverse photo of North on billboards. And the parents say it's to raise their self esteem! What!!? And there's still more horrible stuff, Jerry Lewis on every channel in Paris, North to become the emperor of China!? And North staring fascinatingly at his potential mother/topless African tribal woman!? Then we got two pathetic 50s sitcom rip-offs in the movie (I like 50s sitcoms mind you, I just didn't like the stupid ways they was referenced here). First the Alaskan parents out of nowhere whistling the Andy Griffin theme tune, and then the cardboard reference of the Beavers in the Nelson residence that North seeks potential parents from. There is still more bad stuff in this movie, down to geographical ignorance. There is no snow and ice on the ground between Jueno and Anchorage, Alaska in July, or a long airplane runway connecting the two cities because airplanes in Alaska don't skid upon landing for 2 hours. But never mind, it was just another of the many many many failed jokes in this movie. Then, SPOILER, we have the cop-out ending of almost everything in the movie being a dream, from him earlier on falling asleep in that chair to waking up about 4 minutes before the credits. I did question if the Winchell character was in North's real world as another kid at his school, but it seemed he only appeared in his dream and was nowhere to be seen in any of the school scenes before North fell asleep. Well, it doesn't really matter, because this movie was just too awful to save in any way. There's still more awful things about this movie, but I've definitely listed enough of them now to give most people very very good reason not to waste another hour and a half of their lives witnessing something so upsetting and painful.

Reviewed by TBJCSKCNRRQTreviews 1 / 10 / 10

Starts out terrible, and somehow goes south from there

When Harry Met Sally, A Few Good Men, The Story of Us... and I hear that This Is Spinal Tap is utterly hilarious... so what happened, Reiner? I guess everyone is entitled to make at least one mistake. Even if this particular one is really tough to forgive. If he hadn't proved himself so thoroughly after this, I'm not sure one could disassociate him from this. I haven't read the novel. Can it be as awful as this? I sure hope not. This is painfully stupid, unbelievably offensive and never actually funny. The jokes are disturbing, sick, weird and/or poor, and often based on ridiculous stereotypes that serve no other purpose than to prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the two guys who wrote the script for this, Alan Zweibel and Andrew Scheinman, have not been out of their own country in their entire lives. This wastes so much acting and comedic talent that you have to wonder if there was some sort of bet involved, to see if they could actually get all of these skilled people and have them recite horrible material, and see if anyone would outright quit. I'm not sure I'd say that Elijah was one of them at this point, but then again, all the child performers in this are annoying. There is brief moderately strong language in this. The DVD has a trailer and about about ten minutes worth of interviews with the director and cast. I recommend... well, not this, not for anyone. If you do find yourself watching at least a little of this, I urge you to treat yourself to the Nostalgia Critic's video review of it. 1/10

Read more IMDb reviews

0 Comments

Be the first to leave a comment