The Town That Came A-Courtin'

2014

Comedy / Family / Romance

108
IMDb Rating 6.1 10 297

Synopsis


Downloaded times
October 12, 2020

Director

Cast

Carolyn Adair as Townsperson
Darien Provost as Kyle Edwards Alexander
Lauren Holly as Lindy Lowe
Valerie Harper as Claire
720p.WEB 1080p.WEB
866.22 MB
1280*720
English 2.0
NR
23.976 fps
90 min
P/S N/A / N/A
1.57 GB
1920×1080
English 2.0
NR
23.976 fps
90 min
P/S N/A / N/A

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by AlexanderAnubis 4 / 10 / 10

It Takes A Village To Make An Idiot

Lauren Holly, a popular author who translates Shakespearean prose into tweet-sized bites, is forced at gunpoint into a wormhole and transported to the planet of Bliss, Mississippi, where she speaks like Senator Beauregard Claghorn and is fed dangerously large amounts of orange juice and MDMA laced with abysmally flat, sophomoric melodrama. Until she has acquired a sufficiently high and consistent blood level of these chemicals to make her compliant she is imprisoned by Valerie Harper in a funeral parlor that eats small children and puppies, and has a roof with mold problems so severe that it sprouts Triffids. Holly's manager is mostly immune to the blissful blandishments as long as she can regularly recharge her wifi inoculation, but this proves problematic as wifi has been banished in the name of Doctrinal Purity and survives only in a few locations, where it is regularly harassed by Mary Kay representatives who eat cupcakes and burn cell phones until the batteries explode. Those caught using cell phones are required to surrender the device and are subject to arrest by testosterone-challenged Deputy Ricky who supplements his income with part-time liquor delivery, and constantly speaks into his shoulder mounted radio even though he is the only remaining police officer in Mississippi and therefore has never received a reply. Holly's mother Kudzu, (although she uses the alias Kazoo for security reasons), is a hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional dachshund from Georgia, another planet located north of the 49th parallel. Kudzu/Kazoo communicates via an extremely realistic ventriloquist dummy named "Mama," that has working opposable thumbs and an accent equal parts Harper Lee, Truman Capote, Butterfly McQueen, Charlie McCarthy, and an Oscar winning Hattie McDaniel. Mama has been trying for years to mate Holly with suitable gentleman callers that she advertises for in the classified section of Glass Menagerie Monthly, hoping to produce the super being known as Alan Smithee in Canada, and the Kwisatz Haderach among the Bene Gesserit. Unbeknownst to Holly, almost all the denizens of Bliss also have gene-splicing on their collective mind, and plan to join her to a creature who made millions early in the roofie boom and by giving seminars on how you too can get rich flipping distressed properties for no money down. He teaches his son to offer caffeine instead of apologies to old ladies run down by skateboards, is addicted to Grecian Formula, which he imbibes intravenously, and is prone to making bizarre, arcane statements such as, "I am the mayor of bliss." Believed to be a widower, the mother of his children actually escaped after faking her own death with a large dose of Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) suddenly, last summer. Holly, although heavily medicated, initially retains enough good sense to be unnerved by "the mayor" and his odd progeny, particularly the male, who disguises his malformed cranium by constantly wearing an ill-fitting helmet despite the fact that his skateboard has no wheels. Sensing Holly's disquiet, the offspring are quietly disposed of by feeding them to Rhoda's B&B, which has always been dependent upon the kindness of caterers -- a move even the mayor's ex-in-laws approve in writing with a poorly-timed, hand delivered note. With her manager held incommunicado in Bliss' dungeon, and Mama desperate, there remain only two other impediments to the union. One is just a batty old dame who once had an affair with George Wallace and was quoted as saying that she didn't object to Obama's presidency "as long as he kept the White House lawn trimmed and came on every Thursday to do the windows." She is sentenced to be burned at the stake. The other stumbling block is a worshiper who has been following Holly around the solar system trying to get her autograph in waterproof ink for his invisible sister Ophelia. Protected from bliss by a layer of aluminum foil between his scalp and toupee, he kidnaps Holly and attempts an aggressive deprogramming procedure. This fails when she is quickly rescued by the prompt action of a vigilant Prayer Chain that was organized to replace the Amber Alert system when Mississippi eliminated all professional law enforcement. It's the Iron Maiden for this fellow. Holly, having been injected with pure petroleum byproducts distilled from Barbie & Ken no longer requires mind altering drugs and acquiesces with only a fleeting thought that maybe she should have settled for Jon Bon Jovi, Edward Burns or Kelsey Grammer, after all. A well-timed fade-out mercifully removes any possibility of the viewer having to witness the inevitable, Bliss- required, ritual public copulation of Holly and the Mayor and the stage is set for the sequel, "The Town That Knew Nothin' 'bout Birthin' Babies: Idiot's Delight." Spring comes, a frog is dissected, people marry and die, the Canadian Film Tax Credit Administration gives the Canadian Taxpayer something else to be proud of, David Cronenberg is suitably impressed, and the closing credits flash by at stroboscopic speed making it impossible to read the names of those fully responsible. XYZ ASCII Indented Character Test-O-Meter: nil

Reviewed by The_Boxing_Cat 8 / 10 / 10

Too Fake

Horrendous fake accents and phony people. Lauren Holly had too many facelifts or too much Botox. Just another made for TV crappy chick flick.

Reviewed by arbi_jayne 8 / 10 / 10

Very Southern

I'll be honest, the lead character's voice was so annoying I almost couldn't handle it! But I'm glad I did as the turned out to be a pretty good movie! Clean & funny, but with an unexpected plot twist. I'd watch it again.

Read more IMDb reviews

0 Comments

Be the first to leave a comment